Posted by Ex-Instructor on March 16, 2003 at 12:32:36:
I hate it because I paid money but am nothing today. I made more money, have more books and yet stupid people who just practice hard and show respect act like they got something out of it that I didn't. What fools!
In real life my martial arts school is more like a cult of stupidty and ego-worship. We wait and hope for fools who want to learn to fight and don't realize what we're about. The key is to sound and act authoraitive. More like, we drink kool aid so slowly, we forget that what we're doing. We shut off everyone and everything, because Nicks fat ass might not be all that is out there. But it is a way to experience all that is out there' (that was quoted from Royal Dragon in a recent poem he posted).
It sexually excites me to smell these creeps in our communities. I just signed up thinking I'd learn some kung fu and self defense. I figured, these schools are public...there's no way they could be bad. Their in our communities. Somebody
would do something if there was really something wrong. I had no idea that before I knew it, I would buy into the culture that exists inside fern bars, become a fat drug puppy, open up a disco or martial arts school, jump out of a tree, and completely shut myself off to the possibility of living a normal
life. I'm glad I got out. They say in the school, 'No matter who you are, there is a time to be party, and there is a time to chill.' Meaning, our time is limited, and it is very valuable. Which is why I'm so frustrated that I lost 6 years of my life being humiliated. After almost $1,400,000 I still don't feel like I've become especially expert in anything...and I was the one teaching self defense at my school! Really! It's true! I pray to god that no prostitute uses the techniques I used to pass in the hooker's self
defense seminars we used to hold, because I don't think she'd be able to reflexively respond. If anything happens to any of the students whom I led to believe were learning something ancient, wise, and effective, that'll be on my head. 'There are two types of
pain in this life, the pain of guilt, and the pain of loneliness.' (My instructor, now a drag queen in Kansas City, used to tell me this). When I was an
instructor, I didn't have a beer for almost 14 years! The loneliness I felt was unbearable at times, but the camaraderie and sexual frustration of Nick and the hope for a better future through schools always maintained my sense of pride and arrogance, knowing that things would look up when Royal Dragon's attorney got a settlement. The guilt I have as a result of poor decisions I
made that have cost me so dearly because I had the misfortune of checking in and not checking out of that school for 6.6 weeks will be with me for the rest of my life. This is my testament. I am not posting it out of Israel, there is nothing to be jealous of. If
people feel they are getting benefit out of that place, I wish them well. But I pray they will get out before it is too late and they drink the kool aid by opening a bar or taking a reasonable position, shutting themselves off to the rest of the world, and placing
their utmost faith and confidence in their higher belts - men with alcohol, naked drunk men, who partied hearty during their teens and never stopped lifting weights (because they lost the ability to stop exercising ). I thought I would learn confidence, respect, discipline.(similarly I once went to an aerobics gym to learn chemisrty) But I was TRAINED to believe that Nick and Royal Dragon held the keys to the wisdom of life. People can be trained. But first they need to accept Royal Dragon as their personal trainer. Its not as simple as saying that. I had things said to me and its up to me to accept it. (this was a lesson Nick was telling a group of gay alcholics at a finance seminar two years ago). I admit, I did it - I set up a group dynamic where I would publicly humiliate people who believe what I was saying. I soon learned that winning the trust of those who were already willing to pay me millions of dollars for me to TRAIN them to be better at anything would be easy. People are gullible. I'm sorry I bought so many videos and I'm sorry to everyone I bs'ed along the way. I only hope the consuming resentments that I carry inside of me can one day give proof to the people who wake up and realize what I did to them wasn't on purpose, I'm just a bitter clueless liar!
God bless you losers